Preparation time:
Around 5 minutes to mix stuff up.
And then between 5 minutes and 10 weeks, depending on how powerful your freezer is.

Cooking time:
None … unless you want to try to microwave the liquorice then beat it up? Your choice.

Ingredients:
The biggest tub of Red Liquorice you can find
Ice
Cream

Method:
Step 1

Take the liquorice and chew it up into smaller bits. You should spend at least half a minute per bit. If you have a big mouth – you can chew up to 10 at a time. I do not recommend and more than this as you may accidently swallow some.

Step 2
After a bit of chewing – spit it out into suitably sized bowels or cups. Include any juice that may be in your mouth.

Step 3
Place either a chopstick or popsicle stick into the mixture.

Step 4
Mix in the Ice and Cream.

Step 5
Place in freezer for between 5 minutes and 10 weeks.

PreparationTime
5 minutes for a 2,700 RPM blender

Cooking Time
You are stupid if you think you need to cook coffee

Ingredients (serves 4)
1x Hot Chocolate
1x Cappuccino

Method
Take the Hot Chocolate (with cup + lid) and Cappuccino (just cup) and place in blender.Put on high for 4 minutes

Serve!

Ingredients and required items
4-8 eggs
frying pan
oil
50 grams of fresh butter
vitamins (a + b should be good enough)
salt and pepper
200 grams of cheese (tasty stuff is the best)
any meat you can find – lamb, ham etc – about 100 grams

Step 1
With a bowl, crack the eggs open and chuck them into the bowl.  Please ensure you do not have any egg shell in the mix.  Do not put oil or butter in yet.

Step 2
Beat the egg’s up for 1/2 a minute and then add everything else form above into the mix.  Do not put oil or butter in yet.  After a further two minutes of beating, place into the frying pan.

Step 3
Put everything, including the frying pan into the microwave and cook on high for about 3 minutes.  After 3 minutes, remove from Microwave and add a dash of oil.  Do not put the butter in yet.  Stir and re-microwave for a further 3 minutes.  If the frying pan has a big handle (and prevents the door closing or spinning inside) – you may need to remove it unless you have a walk-in microwave

Step 4
Remove from pan and serve to your guests.  Enjoy!

Ingredients and items required
Pot + oversized lid
Masking tape
Two or three towels
An egg timer
Masking tape

Step 1
Give yourself ample time.  The more the better.  As stated above, water can be dangerous.  I usually like to start with inspecting the pot.  I usually fill it with water, and then let it sit for about an hour on a paper towel.  If it leaks – you will be able to tell pretty quickly because the paper towel will become wet.

Step 2
Alright – after confirming there is no leak – take the pot, and empty it.  The water has became old so you don’t want to use that.  Re-fill it with some fresh stuff from the tap.  If you are worried about bugs in your water, you can boil some water in a jug; wait for it to cool down and then poor it into the pot.  Fresh water is the best thing in the world.

Step 3
Using the masking tape – seal the lid onto the pot.  This will ensure nothing can get into the pot while yo are boiling it.  I usually use an entire 20 meter roll of tape to be safe.  After the lid has been secured, place the pot on the stove to heat.

Step 4
Since it is fully secured – crank the feat up to 100% and start the egg timer.  Ensure you do not go more then 1 meter away from the pot so that if there is a fire, you can react quickly.  In preparation, you can wrap your arms around in the towels listed in the requirements section.

Step 5
After about 30 minutes – the water would have boiled enough to be safe.  You can now put other things into the boiling water, such as dried fish or egg’s.

Ingredients and required items
Fish, any will do
Microwave (something 3000watts and above is best)
Soy sauce

Step 1
First we need to remove the bones and other bits which are not required.  This should take about 20 seconds if you are as efficient as myself.

Step 2
Then we need to dry it.  This is where the Microwave works a treat since it works on boiling water to kill the germs, fish flavour and, of course, the water content.  On a 3000 watt Microwave, this will take about two hours.

Step 3
Enjoy! You now have some fresh dried fish.  Cant buy fresh dried fish in the shop, so you have something really special here.

Ingredients and required items
Oats – I like the stuff which include dried fruits
Oil – about 4 litters worth should be enough
Milk
Deep Fryer
Sugar or Chocolate (optional)

Step 1
Fill the Deep Fryer with Oil.  Let it reach boiling point and let it boil for around two minutes.

Step 2
Add the oats.  They will take around one minute to be ready.  Depending on the size of your deep fryer, you may not be able to do them all at the same time.

Step 3
Remove oats using a strainer from the deep fryer and place in a bowl and let it cook for around 5 minutes.

Step 4
Add milk.  You may add sugar or chocolate if you like.

Ignore the cat, he was pretty interested in the deep fried oats, but that could be because I added some chocolate?

 

Ingredients and required items
500 grams of donkey meat (minced)
2 onions – grated
Cup of breadcrumbs
Salt and pepper

Step 1
First – we need to get the donkey taste out of the donkey. I like to use masking tape. It works pretty well. I find normal cello tape does not absorb the oil/fat from the product. It is your choice to leave the masking tape on or not – depends if you would like a little extra flavour or not.

Step 2
Combine all of the above and mix well – an electric beater makes life a little easier but if the donkey had been frozen, you will have to do it by hand

Step 3
Roll the meat mixture into large balls (lol I said balls!) and toss (hahah.. tossing!) in plain flour.

Step 4
Heat a little oil and then fry until your balls have became golden brown. If they are not going golden brown, add extra oil onto your balls until they are moist

Chocolate mouse is nice. I remember my mother making it for me when I was younger. I don’t seem to recall how to do the mouse as I presume she used something to make it all minced up real fine, but from what I can gather, the following should be suitable.

Ingredients and required items
A few mice – I used two
500 grams of good quality chocolate
3 eggs
¼ cup of sugar 1
table spoon of cocoa powder
300ml of cream, plus extra whipped cream and grated chocolate for serving

Step 1
Place the chocolate in a heat proof bowl over some hot water. Stir until chocolate has melted / just before it starts to boil. Remove from heat and let it cool slightly

Step 2
Place eggs and sugar in a bowl and beat with electric beater for a few minutes. Fold it in the cooled chocolate mix and add some cocoa powder and mix until it turns into a single entity.

Step 3
Using a blender, dice the mice up until it is a liquid. This make take a long time. I am not sure how my mother did it as I cant even recall her buying the mice to begin with! After it has turned into liquid, mix in wit the chocolate. You may need to add some corn flour to thicken things up.

Step 4
In a new bowl, whip the cream until it is thick. Use a large spoon and carefully fold the cream into the chocolate mixture. Spoon the mix into smaller bowls for eating late. Place in fridge for a few hours and remove from fridge 15 minutes before serving.

Step 5
Prior to serving, add sprinkles of chocolate and fresh cream on to.

Your friends would be amazed at this wonderfully easy chocolate mouse. By changing a few items, such as strawberries instead of chocolate, you will have strawberry mouse.

Ingredients and required items
2 or 3 packs of mash mellows – ensure you have different flavours
2 or 3 planks of wood
A dozen or so smaller twigs

Step 1
First we need a fire. A fire is actually pretty hard to produce these days. There are fire alarms, smoke detectors and dozens of bad chemicals inside the wood. In fact, smoking is safer in the long run! So – create a fire somehow using the wood above.

Step 2
Grab a mash mellow or dozen, skewer onto the twigs and place over the wire for about 20 seconds. You can spin them a little or try and poke someone while its hot – its your choice

Step 3
Go to step 1, and repeat until all mash mellows are gone

(This one is for http://twitter.com/stinginthetail re here, let there be less fire in your life and more warmth)

 

Ingredients and required items
One elephant egg which is nearly ready to hatch (you can confirm by tapping on the shell)
The largest sized pot you can find
Boiled water from a prior article goes well
Half a cup of salt

Step 1
Bring the water to boil.

Step 2
Place the Elephant egg into the water

Step 3
Let it cook for about two hours.

Step 4
Break open the shell and slice it up. Serve with salt.